Couples therapy · Dallas, Texas
For couples who are done having the same fight. Direct, relational couples work grounded in Relational Life Therapy. Weekly sessions, or two concentrated days that move what months of weekly therapy haven't.
Who comes to see me
You've had the same argument for six years. Only the topic changes.
One of you is pursuing. The other has gone quiet, or gone cold.
You tried couples therapy before. “We didn't get much out of it.”
There was an affair, a betrayal, or a long slow drift. You haven't decided what happens next.
One of you has a foot out the door and the other doesn't know how far.
You're good parents and good co-workers. You're not good partners right now.
None of this means the relationship is over. It means the way you're both fighting isn't working. That part is learnable.
The approach
I won't sit in the middle and keep score. I'll tell you both the truth, kindly and plainly.
Most couples therapy stays neutral. Relational Life Therapy, developed by Terry Real, doesn't. When one of you is doing something that's hurting the relationship, I'll name it, and I'll help you stop.
We look at the patterns you each learned long before you met. Then we build what replaces them: how to ask for what you want, how to hear a complaint without defending, and how to repair after a bad night instead of waiting it out.
It's active. You'll practice in the room. You'll leave sessions with specific things to do differently at home that week.
The five losing strategies
Terry Real names five moves that reliably lose the relationship, even when they win the argument. Everyone has a favorite. Pick yours, and get one thing to try tonight.
Two ways to work
Ongoing
Best when things are strained but stable, and you want time to practice new habits week by week.
Concentrated
Best when you're at a crossroads, recovering from a rupture, or tired of weekly therapy that hasn't moved.
The two-day intensive
Weekly therapy gives you fifty minutes, then sends you back into the same house. An intensive gives the work enough time to actually reach the pattern. We work in a comfortable garden office in North Dallas, away from your phones, your kitchen and your usual fight.
Before
Your individual sessions
After the consult and intake, I meet with each of you alone. You each tell me your story privately, so we can start day one together and get straight to work.
Day one
Seeing the pattern
Both of you, from the first hour. Where the pattern comes from, what each of you does inside it, and what it costs you both.
Day two
Building what replaces it
Practice the conversations you've been avoiding. Repair what needs repair. Leave with a written plan you both agreed to.
After
Follow-up session
We check in on what held, what slipped, and what comes next, including weekly sessions if you want them.
A sample intensive
Every intensive is built around your history and what came up in your individual sessions. This is the usual shape.
Day oneSeeing the pattern
Coffee in the garden office. Each of you names what you want to leave with.
What each of you learned about love growing up, and the legacy you brought into this relationship.
How your adaptive child meets your partner's. Your losing strategies, and the core negative image each of you holds of the other.
On your own. Take a walk.
I tell each of you, plainly and with care, what I see you doing that hurts the relationship. In front of your partner.
Catching yourself mid-reaction and choosing a different move, practiced live.
One thing to notice tonight. No relitigating the day.
Day twoBuilding what replaces it
What came up overnight, and what's different this morning.
Learning to say what happened, what you made up about it, how you feel, and what would help.
Done live, with coaching, until you can both stay in it.
On your own.
Speaking up with love, listening to understand, and cherishing what's worth keeping.
Written agreements for what each of you will do when the old dance starts.
We set the date for your follow-up session.
| Weekday intensiveTwo consecutive weekdays | $4,000 |
|---|---|
| Friday and SaturdayOne weekend available per month | $6,000 |
| Saturday and SundayOne weekend available per month | $8,000 |
What's included. Screening, an individual session with each partner, both full days, your written plan, and a follow-up session.
Reduced-fee spots. For every eight full-fee intensives, the next two are offered at a reduced rate. These are weekday only. Ask about availability on your consult call.
Weekends are limited. One weekend a month is open for intensives, so those book first.
About
I've spent more than fifteen years working with families and people in crisis. I've sat with couples on the worst night of their marriage and with families rebuilding after it ended. What I learned is that most relationships don't fail from a lack of love. They fail from a lack of skill, and from patterns nobody ever named out loud.
I'm direct. My loyalty is to the relationship, so in any given moment I may push harder on one of you than the other. Over time, you'll both get the same honesty. I'd rather you leave a session a little uncomfortable and clearer than comfortable and stuck.
Questions
Yes. Plenty of couples arrive undecided. My job isn't to keep you together at any cost. It's to help you see clearly enough to decide well. If you stay, you'll stay differently. If you separate, you'll do it with less damage, especially if you have kids.
It's different. An intensive is strongest when a couple is at a crossroads, recovering from a rupture, or stuck after weekly therapy. Weekly sessions are better for steady, gradual work. We'll decide together on the consult call.
You can start alone. Relational Life Therapy works with individuals on their side of the pattern, and a change in one partner often changes the whole dynamic. Many reluctant partners join once they see something shifting.
Yes. If there's ongoing physical violence, threats, or one partner feels unsafe at home, an intensive isn't the right first step. Active, untreated addiction also needs its own care first. The screening process exists to check this, and I'll help you find the right support if it's not a fit.
Intensives are private pay. Ask on your consult call about weekly session fees and whether a superbill makes sense for your plan.
Begin
Book your consult
Requests go through the secure client portal, so your information stays private. Choose “I'm a new client” and ask for Julia Hoffman.
Request a consultPlease don't send detailed health information by email. We'll cover that privately.